We come in all shapes and sizes

That is so HOT to meet another girl who games.  That’s tight!  What games do you play?

Umm, you know, role-playing games mostly.

Oh.  I’m an FPS girl.  Halo.  Boom!  Head shots… I’m ranked and stuff.  It’s the truth.

Well I kill stuff too, it’s just I wear prettier outfits.

Cool. <awkward pause>  I’m gonna grab a drink.

Ok, so my post on girl gamers didn’t go over so well with some people.  After looking through my logs, it’s pretty obvious that someone linked to it from another web site and the bulk of the 40+ comments that were generated came from readers who don’t know me and don’t frequent the blog.  They misinterpreted my tongue-in-cheek tone and assumed that I was speaking for them.

After several attempts to get the situation back on track, I ultimately decided to take the post down.  I realize that I could have stood my ground and refused to back away from my position on the issue.  But I know from many of you that you appreciate the civil atmosphere we maintain here, and taking a bulldog approach would have ruined it.  At the end of the day, controversy isn’t what my blog is about.  If it means giving a forum to their brand of hate, it’s not worth leaving my post up. Because of that, I opted to take it down.

It’s more important to me to keep our blog friendly and open than it is to speak my piece about personal, off-topic issues.  For those of you who emailed me in support of the post and asking about the second installment – I apologize because there won’t be one.  I’m not interested in luring the haters back for another round.  That said, I truly appreciate the warm wishes of those who emailed me – your positive feedback touched me very much.

BTW – If you want to see where I got the leading bit from, you can check out Season 2, Episode 10 of The Guild here.

18 Responses to “We come in all shapes and sizes”

  1. Tlo Says:

    Glad to see you back to posting. I was alarmed by the responses generated by that now-deleted post, and your examination of your logs explains it.

    Craft on!

  2. Viscount Says:

    Nice to see you posting again. I was worried just because all that they said to you would be intimdating to anyone.

    Honestly when I read their posts I didnt see their point. Yes there are hardcore girl gamers that consider themselves one of the guys… but they are the minority. Truth is there are certain games that appeal more to girls then they do to guys. Trying to say that is a lie is ridiculous, for example why do they call a certain style of movie “Chick-flixs” its because they cater to a certain crowd. There is nothing derogatory in it, and because it does apply to one side, doesnt mean it negates the rest.

    And frankly, if any of those who bashed you come back for round 2 on this post. They can go blow off, their intollerance of tollarating BOTH SIDES, only makes them look bad.

  3. kaliope Says:

    My Blog – The other side has had their say. Attempts to revive the debate will be deleted.

  4. Zhang Says:

    I thought your original entry shed a lot of light onto the difference in how I approach games compared to my wife. Its a crying shame that you had to take down the post. Either way, I applaud your reasoning and good luck with your posting.

  5. gardenqueen Says:

    I’m a person of the female persuasion who has been playing WoW for almost 4 years and I pretty much agreed with the post you took down. Hey, if you want to go whole go and decimate the opposition, go for it. It’s just never been my thing. I think that having different approaches to finishing a quest would broaden the market. Not to mention cut down on boredom if you play multiple toons.

  6. Scrübby Says:

    Yay, glad to see you back on. I’m saddened a bit that there will not be a part 2 but I trust your judgment and say onward. Nice lead in with The Guild. All I can think of when I see her is…..nice forehead.

  7. Xyra Says:

    Usage of the Nazi for anything short of genocide seems to be a bit over the top to me. It is most certainly your blog and you’re allowed to do whatever you like, but if you want to be a part of the blogging community you can’t shut out differing opinions and expect to have any sort of credibility in the aftermath.

  8. Kivshani Says:

    I’m sorry to hear that; I liked the post, and I don’t agree you should have caved to presure from “not-nice” people.

  9. kaliope Says:

    I agree with you Kivshani, I don’t like giving in to them either. But if I had let the conversation continue it would have escalated into a huge, ugly flame war that was already alienating the readers who’ve supported me for the last two years. I hated that idea even more than caving – my readers are more important to me than standing up to people who didn’t even belong here.

  10. Malveaux Says:

    There’s a difference between allowing differing opinions into a discussion and allowing a mean-spirited pile-on. In my opinion, good bloggers (or forum moderators) should allow the former but definitely should shut down the latter. It seemed like Kaliope did try to allow level-headed debate at first, as she normally does. Sadly the discussion on that particular post quickly degenerated into an ugly and unproductive pile-on.

    Like religion and politics, feminism is clearly a topic that is divisive by nature, and it often gets out of hand when opposing viewpoints collide. I can’t necessarily blame her for not wanting to play host to that on what is normally a mild-mannered crafting blog.

    • Xyra Says:

      A mild-mannered crafting blog that delved into territory that had nothing to do with crafting and touched on subjects that are obviously volatile.

      I agree that stopping mean-spirited comments is good practice. Deleting comments that simply do not agree and wish for further discussion is not something I agree with.

  11. Scrübby Says:

    Well I for one would rather not see this discussed anymore. This site is meant for good things and Kaliope has done some great things on this site. I sincerely appreciate all the time and effort she puts in. If someone has a negative comment regarding a post that doesn’t really even exist anymore, please keep it to yourself. Keep up the good work Ms K =)

  12. Ian Says:

    @ Xyra: I think the point is that letting it kick-start again will simply set things off once more. If the original post had been left up but any dissenting replies were being clipped then that’d be one thing. As it is, credit should be given to Kaliope for getting rid of the post in the first place. Better to acknowledge the problem and try to wipe everything clean than keep the post there for people to see and refuse to allow arguments, no?

    Anyway, sorry if I’ve simply kept this thing dragging on.

    And thanks for mentioning The Guild, I keep meaning to give it a bash having read about it ages ago.

  13. Viscount Says:

    Humor is the cure all to sensitive issues. Yes there is a time and a place not to because it would be just distasteful, but to treat a word or a peroid of history as taboo in all ways is just silly. How can we ever move on if we keep treating it as if the wound is still infected and open.
    Also she has every right to discuss that topic, she is a female gamer and it was her opinion. Maybe there should have been a disclaimer, but that is just hindsight.
    Dont ever ever every let fear of critisicm or reprisal get in the way of what you believe.

  14. kaliope Says:

    Ian: Thanks for pointing out that I removed my own views in addition to the opposing ones. I agree that leaving up my post without allowing replies is not fair and that’s why the whole post is gone. I don’t mind folks using this post to discuss their thoughts about handling the issue of dissenting views, as long as it doesn’t drift back over to the topics of the original post and comments about it’s contents.

    Viscount: I agree with you about the humor angle, that’s why I started this post with it. Whether anyone agrees with me or not, this captures how I felt about the incident. At this point I don’t particularly care if the flamers disapprove of my characterization of them, I just wanted to sweep out the stress with a chuckle and move on. If they don’t like what I have to say, they don’t need to stick around. IMO they should start their own blog if they want a forum to express their views and leave me in peace to do my thing.

    Scrubby: Thanks for your continued support – you’ve cheered me up with your emails and kind words =)

    And thanks to everyone else who has stopped by and offered their support here, I really appreciate it!

  15. Kestrel Says:

    Another supporter here, Kal. :) Just curious why you didn’t simply close commenting, while leaving the post up? (Not asking you to defend your decision: It’s YOUR blog!) But did you consider that alternative?

    Hang in there! You’re an asset to the WoW AND the blog communities.

  16. kaliope Says:

    Hey Kestrel, thanks for support both on the post in question and here =) Yes, I did consider leaving the post up and closing comments. In fact at one point during the day I did exactly that. Unfortunately by then there were 40+ comments, most quite nasty. I felt that leaving the post up with so many ugly comments was giving the other side a huge soapbox for their views, which I wasn’t comfortable with. On the other hand, deleting all the comments and leaving just my side seemed too much like censorship in the opposite direction.

    The only fair way I could think of to deal with it was to take both sides down. I don’t really want my readers to feel that they can’t speak their mind, and if I had just removed all the offending comments I worried that they might end up with that impression.

    On the bright side, it seems I’m not the only site that gets targeted by this sort of bashing. Apparently Dell took a stab at creating a site targeted to women and got slammed for it:


    Seems they took the site down in a matter of days and replaced it with a more generic version. According to the folks at Gizmodo, we aren’t allowed to be girly and a geek at the same time because it’s offensive to try and sell us tech products in fashion colors (hides iPod).

  17. caiters Says:

    I am a bit late to the game but I just wanted to say welcome back! I am sorry you got trolled so hard for the post. I read it and I kind of understand where the opposition was coming from but I really don’t think it is worth being so nasty.

    TBH most of the time when I start writing a comment that could probably be perceived as inflammatory at all, about any subject, 99% of the time I just end up closing the window before I’m done. I still feel good because I typed out how I felt, but then I don’t have to make those feelings public XD;

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